my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
