so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
