you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize