Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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