I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
