He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
