she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
