How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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