If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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