just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
