Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?

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(518): View more from New York

He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.

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(914): View more from New York

Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video

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(585): View more from New York

Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone

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(210): View more from Texas

I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

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(631): View more from New York

10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit

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