I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize