JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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