I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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