Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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