pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
