Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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