when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
