You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
