I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize