Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
