If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
