Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
