On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
