I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm at about main and main street
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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