Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You dont lie about slip and slides
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
