He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
