we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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