Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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