Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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