Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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