Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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