Betty ford says i'm here all night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
