o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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