My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
