nut hugger
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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