Her vagina should come with caution tape.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
