I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
