Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
where are my pants?
in the oven.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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