I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to make a zoo with you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize