worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
