Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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