The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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