you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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