You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
