i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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