I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Pants are for mortals
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
