I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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