It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
