If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's like a pop up book from hell.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
