I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize