her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My feet surprised me
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