The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
