Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
