at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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