Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
