I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
im on a boat
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