So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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