things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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