i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
