I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
