This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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