How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
