Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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