I hate your face
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
