remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
