totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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