Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
