dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
