he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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