When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
