i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
