I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
