Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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