you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
