I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
