Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
