We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
