Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
