Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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