So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
