I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
