I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
