I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
FUCK WHALES
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize