is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
