Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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