if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
