exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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