someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Panties = found
Randomize
