the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I just sharted jello shots
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
