Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
