the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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