We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize