I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
