Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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