You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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