I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
