Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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