Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think your dad took our porno
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
