im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
