she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
