I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize