it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
