Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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